To the family up the street--
You really annoy me. Unlike some, I do not hate all kids in general. In fact, I like most kids. This is not the case for you and your 4 kids.
To the parents--Although I think its great that you have adopted 3 out of 4 of your kids, they are brats. And, to the mom, please stop going out to get your paper while only wearing a 'long' shirt, no matter how early it is. The shirts are never that long and I don't enjoy when we cross paths.
To the oldest--CONGRATS! You are 13. Contrary to what you may believe, you are not the most awesome thing that has every walked the earth. I don't care that you do 'tricks' on your fake skateboard. I really don't need you to talk to your friends on your cell phone (that you don't need) and pass my house over and over in some weird attempt for me to call out to you and say, "hey, cool guy! you've got a cell phone!" I also do not need you to walk towards my car as I am driving by to "show off" to your friends so that they think we are friends. We're not. You're going to get hit (which would not necessarily be all bad, but your parents would probably sue me).
To the 'witch' across the street--
You really creep me out. I do not need you to start talking to me at 7 am when I am bringing my dogs out. I really don't want to talk to anyone that early, especially you. The reason why I avoid you is because you've dressed up as a witch the last two Halloweens and run towards me yelling, "DO YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE THAT I CAN PLUG IN MY BROOM?!" No, I do not. You are not funny, you are extremely creepy. We also do not own a pickup truck that you can ride in the bed of and 'fly' on your broom. Plus, you're extremely rude, I liked your husband's old wife better.
To the 'serial killer' next door--
I do really suspect that you killed your wife.
These are my reasons:
1. You had a wife when you moved in.
2. The DAY you moved in, you tore down your already high fence to put up a taller one because you "have big dogs".
3. You come and go at weird hours.
4. A couple of weeks after you moved in your wife wasn't around anymore. Although she could have moved back to where you lived before, as you stated, you are way too creepy not to have killed someone.
Please stop making small talk with me when we are in our backyards, I don't want to be your next victim.
To the new family down the street--
I do not appreciate you speeding down our 25 mph street at all hours of the day. I do not appreciate you waiting in your car for your children in the morning and honking your horn..at 7 am... everyone is still sleeping.. go in and get them.
To all the kids in general--
Just because our house is one of the only houses on the street without a fence, does not mean that you have free range. Use all of your own backyards. I especially hate it when you deliberately walk through our yard and make footprints in the snow. I also don't like finding your things in my backyard (i.e. school supplies, etc.). Although I probably wouldn't mind if you weren't all so annoying, please play flashlight tag somewhere else.
Please act half way normal like all the other people on our street...smile, wave, keep moving...
Sincerely,
Wanting you to move away
Location: everywhere
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